As some of you might now, I'm not the most... motivated student. This last semester I had one class that I thought was going to be awesome, but it ended up being kind of lame: Speech and Communication. Right off the bat, it sounds like my kind of class! Sadly, classes lose their appeal when the teacher is a brat and the curriculum is just a watered down, boring version of your high school debate classes... So, when I lost my textbook, I might have maybe kinda sorta used it as an excuse to stop going as much... Obviously, my grade started to show that. Finally, I got my act together and started going again, but I still didn't know where that textbook went. I had searched my car, every inch of my apartment, under the couches, under the bed, in my backpack, and even my parents' house. Eventually I just gave up because I was still able to follow along in class and I usually didn't do the assignments out of the book anyway. Then, finals time came around... I was a little worried, but I figured it would be more of a common sense test that I could fidget my way through because I'm good at that. It would have been nice to have the textbook because it was an online, open book test, but I would find a way to manage.
That night I settled down on the couch and opened up the test, and to my dismay, almost every single question went along the lines of, "come up with an example of such and such, based on the information on page 254-56." Oh crap!!!!! The test was created around the freakin textbook that I hadn't seen in over a month! I knew I needed to do well on this test in order to pass the class. I ran into my room, crying; what was I going to do? Then the most brilliant thought came to me; so I knelt down next to my bed and said a little prayer, apologizing for my slothfulness, and asking for help to somehow not fail this test. After I finished, I laid on my floor and cried a little more. I turned my head to the side and just about lost it; there, pushed up against the wall on the far end of my bed, was the textbook! Apparently, it had fallen off my bed and gotten stuck down there, but because it was all the way back and against the wall, I had been able to see it when I had checked under my bed before. I was able to take the test and ace it, earning myself a 'B' in the class.
This is yet another example of just how much our Heavenly Father loves us. If we are willing to ask for his help, He will always answer, and there is nothing He can't do. I have such a strong testimony of the power of prayer and the huge role that God plays in our lives every day. I encourage everyone who reads this post to spend some time actively looking for large and small things that the Lord does for you every day; whether it's something big like having enough money for rent when you know you shouldn't have, or something small like green lights all the way to work when you're running late. God is there, He loves us, He cares about us, and He'll always be there for us. I say these things, in the name of Jesus Christ, Amen.
Saturday, January 12, 2013
Sunday, December 2, 2012
Testimony Time- The Power of Prayer
I don't know if this is something that everyone does, or if I'm just weird, but every Fast Sunday I prepare a testimony in my head, even though I never get up and share it. Either there are too many people already rushing to the podium and not enough time, I don't realize what time it is and the meeting ends before I get myself up there, or I'm just too dang scared or lazy to get my butt out of the seat. Although it's not good for me to never bear my testimony and I'm working on getting up there more often, it's still a shame that those testimonies never get shared, even though they are often simple and may seem silly. So, I've decided that I want to start posting them on here, whether I end up doing it in church or not. Not only will that be an opportunity to bare my testimony to others, but this way it's written down so I can look back on it when I need a little reminder in life. Plus, I feel like I can be more open and descriptive here about certain stuff, like describing my horrible job or mentioning my pathetic grades. lol
So, as most of you know from my last post, in August I started a new job at Teleperformance because I needed more money. It was really bad and I was having a really rough time. I found myself struggling just to get out of bed every morning because I was so miserable. I would come home emotionally exhausted and beaten up and didn't have energy to do anything, not even go to school (my grades will tell you that). Finally, one night, I got down on my knees and begged Heavenly Father to just help me make it though the next day. That day I found that, even though the job still sucked, I had more patience, a better attitude, and was able to come home and not end up crying in my bed. That night I thanked God for giving me strength that day and asked him to help me the next day. I did this every night, and work became somewhat bearable. But I still hated it and wanted more than anything to get out of there. Along with strength, I asked Heavenly Father to help me find a new job. I asked every night, filled out endless applications, went to several interviews, got my hopes up time and time again, but nothing ever happened. I was so upset! But one night, while saying my prayers, I asked Heavenly Father why I couldn't find a job; there had to have been some reason. I though through lessons I could possibly be learning, people I could have been helping, but I couldn't think of any legit reason. Why was Heavenly Father doing this to me?!
One day, I had slept in and skipped work because I just couldn't bring myself to go in that day (I know, I'm a horrible person), and I spent the whole day filling out more job applications. In the process, a good friend, Xander, started messaging me on Facebook. He told me I should apply at his job. I was a little hesitant because I didn't know a lot about computers or sales, and those were the two positions available. Plus, we had kinda liked each other before and he had kissed me and left, but would still sometimes flirt and I didn't know what I thought of him at the time or if I wanted to be working with him... But, I decided to go for it. I e-mailed in my resume, he had his boss look for it, and I had an interview for the next day. I went in, did my best, and he told me he'd call me and let me know by that evening if I had gotten it or not. I was at home, playing Minecraft, when I got the call.... I had gotten the job and he wanted me to start that Monday!!!! As soon as I hung up, I started screaming, crying, and jumping around the house!!!! I immediately went in my room to pray and thank my Heavenly Father for blessing me with this job. I now understood why I hadn't gotten any of the other jobs because now I had a better paying one that was closer to home, had a better schedule, and amazing people to work with! But as soon as I finished my prayer, it REALLY hit me. Before I had started at Teleperformance I had been horrible about saying my prayers. I hardly ever did it and it had really taken a toll on my life and spirituality. Now, I was praying every day; I realized that that had been my first instinct after I had gotten the job. I now understood why it had taken so long for my prayers to be answered. It is amazing the influence The Lord has in our lives. I want to bear you my testimony of the wonderful power of prayer, and in having trust in our Savior. Our prayers will always be answered. Always. Although, it might not be in the way we want it to, but trust me when I say that He knows better than we do, and if we trust in Him then our reward will be far greater than we ever thought possible. I love my Heavenly Father and I am so grateful for the opportunity I have to communicate with him through prayer. I say these things in the name of Jesus Christ, Amen.
Sunday, October 28, 2012
Job blues
Ok, so... I started a new job 2 months ago at a call center called Teleperformance, and let me tell you something... If you need a job, don't go there!!!! At least not on the Verizon project. It is a living Hell. I seriously feel the happiness drain from my body the moment I drive into the parking lot. I know this sounds like I'm just being dramatic and I hate my job like every other person out there, but this is different, and I'm going to tell you why.
First, the job itself. I am doing tech support for Verizon FiOS. This encompasses home phones, internet, and video. Seems easy enough, right? Tell the customer to reset their equipment and you're good? No. There are SOOOOOO many things that can, and do, go wrong with these services. Not only do you have to make sure the cx (customer) can make and receive calls, but also that their voice mail and other phone features are all working and that the cx knows how to use them all properly. Not only do you have to make sure that the cx has internet, but also that it's going fast enough and they can connect to the WiFi and that their e-mail is working and all the settings are set up to their satisfaction. Not only do you have to make sure that the cx can watch tv, but also that their picture is crystal clear (you'd be surprised how many people flip out because we "only" have 1080p and not 1080i. There's no difference people!), and their guide is working and they can use the video on demand and DVR perfectly and their remotes are working to their expectations. That's a lot of stuff, but those are really just the basics! There's a thousand different things that could go wrong, even some that the supervisors have never seen and don't know how to fix, but you're expected to resolve the problem one way or another. Not to mention the fact that you have, like, a thousand different departments to transfer people to, and no one can ever seem to transfer people to the right place the first time, so by the time they get to me I'm the 5th person the cx has talked to and they're pissed. Which leads me to my next reason...
Second, the customers. You would think that because you are nice and able to fix a customer's problem that they would be happy and grateful right? Don't bite the hand that feels you. No. Not only do they bite your feeding hand, but they go straight for the neck! They're ticked off at Verizon for having crappy products, previous reps for transferring them around, and you for not having ALL their information ready as soon as they call in and fixing their problem within 5 min. They don't understand that it takes a few minutes to send commands to their equipment. They don't understand that there's a billion things that could be wrong and you still have to go through a process to figure out what the problem is before you can fix it. They think that because they pay Verizon a couple hundred buck a month that we should be kissing their butts and bending over backwards to, not only make their service work, but to please them and bow down to their every whim. They think we have 7 million field techs just sitting around waiting to come out to their house at the drop of a hat for every little issue, even if it's something like plugging in a single cable... I can't imagine yelling at someone who had the ability to help me. Why is it that no one understands that if you treat them nice then they'll be more willing to help you? And if you treat them like crap then they're just going to do the bare minimum and try to get you off the line as fast as possible. I just don't get it.
Third problem there is the environment. You are in queue the entire day. It is just one call after another from open til close. You're in your little cubical, which is very secluding. But all that is somewhat bearable, the part that really gets me is the leadership. The Internal Help Desk (IHD) and supervisors don't give a flying leap about you. It takes forever to get help from anyone if you don't know something, they give you a quick answer and then leave, which is really annoying because half the time it's not the answer you needed and you had another question for them too but they're gone before you can call them back so you have to wait for someone else to come by to try again. I got really lucky and I have the one supervisor that actually sticks around and is more understanding, but he has a lot to do so he can only do so much by himself. It wouldn't be as bad if I knew what I was doing. The reason I don't know what I'm doing is because the trainer I had was crap. He sucked at teaching, got distracted very easily, wouldn't stop talking about himself, and was a jerk to us as a class. Every time someone didn't understand something and asked a question or for clarification, he somehow turned it into a huge argument. Not only did that waste time, but it also made the class upset and it was more difficult to learn. Plus, when he teaches he'll just lecture and his voice is so boring that even I can't stay awake for more than 10 minutes...
Fourth problem I have is with the attitude of the other agents. Verizon is trying to push for excellence and great customer service, but I'm constantly having customers tell me that I'm the first rep they've had that wasn't a jerk and/or a complete moron (which is saying something because I have no clue what I'm doing)... Agents snap at cxs, transfer them without telling them what's going on, act like they don't care, and talk to them like they're idiots (even though most of them are, you still don't talk to someone like that)... This makes my calls that much harder because not only am I trying to fix their problem and give them a good experience, but I'm having to make up for the huge negative experience the cx has already had. Do I have to do everything myself?!
So, as you can see, there is a lot of stuff that could be improved at Teleperformance in Verizon. I have to drag myself out of bed every morning and go through an internal struggle every day debating on it's worth it or if I'd rather give up my car and not go to school, just so I could get a job that pays less but made me less miserable. If you are tough and don't care about how you're treated or the customers, then the money is pretty good and you could probably work there just fine. But it is definitely NOT the right place for me... So if anyone knows of any full time jobs that pay $10+ an hour then please let me know!!!!!!!!
First, the job itself. I am doing tech support for Verizon FiOS. This encompasses home phones, internet, and video. Seems easy enough, right? Tell the customer to reset their equipment and you're good? No. There are SOOOOOO many things that can, and do, go wrong with these services. Not only do you have to make sure the cx (customer) can make and receive calls, but also that their voice mail and other phone features are all working and that the cx knows how to use them all properly. Not only do you have to make sure that the cx has internet, but also that it's going fast enough and they can connect to the WiFi and that their e-mail is working and all the settings are set up to their satisfaction. Not only do you have to make sure that the cx can watch tv, but also that their picture is crystal clear (you'd be surprised how many people flip out because we "only" have 1080p and not 1080i. There's no difference people!), and their guide is working and they can use the video on demand and DVR perfectly and their remotes are working to their expectations. That's a lot of stuff, but those are really just the basics! There's a thousand different things that could go wrong, even some that the supervisors have never seen and don't know how to fix, but you're expected to resolve the problem one way or another. Not to mention the fact that you have, like, a thousand different departments to transfer people to, and no one can ever seem to transfer people to the right place the first time, so by the time they get to me I'm the 5th person the cx has talked to and they're pissed. Which leads me to my next reason...
Second, the customers. You would think that because you are nice and able to fix a customer's problem that they would be happy and grateful right? Don't bite the hand that feels you. No. Not only do they bite your feeding hand, but they go straight for the neck! They're ticked off at Verizon for having crappy products, previous reps for transferring them around, and you for not having ALL their information ready as soon as they call in and fixing their problem within 5 min. They don't understand that it takes a few minutes to send commands to their equipment. They don't understand that there's a billion things that could be wrong and you still have to go through a process to figure out what the problem is before you can fix it. They think that because they pay Verizon a couple hundred buck a month that we should be kissing their butts and bending over backwards to, not only make their service work, but to please them and bow down to their every whim. They think we have 7 million field techs just sitting around waiting to come out to their house at the drop of a hat for every little issue, even if it's something like plugging in a single cable... I can't imagine yelling at someone who had the ability to help me. Why is it that no one understands that if you treat them nice then they'll be more willing to help you? And if you treat them like crap then they're just going to do the bare minimum and try to get you off the line as fast as possible. I just don't get it.
Third problem there is the environment. You are in queue the entire day. It is just one call after another from open til close. You're in your little cubical, which is very secluding. But all that is somewhat bearable, the part that really gets me is the leadership. The Internal Help Desk (IHD) and supervisors don't give a flying leap about you. It takes forever to get help from anyone if you don't know something, they give you a quick answer and then leave, which is really annoying because half the time it's not the answer you needed and you had another question for them too but they're gone before you can call them back so you have to wait for someone else to come by to try again. I got really lucky and I have the one supervisor that actually sticks around and is more understanding, but he has a lot to do so he can only do so much by himself. It wouldn't be as bad if I knew what I was doing. The reason I don't know what I'm doing is because the trainer I had was crap. He sucked at teaching, got distracted very easily, wouldn't stop talking about himself, and was a jerk to us as a class. Every time someone didn't understand something and asked a question or for clarification, he somehow turned it into a huge argument. Not only did that waste time, but it also made the class upset and it was more difficult to learn. Plus, when he teaches he'll just lecture and his voice is so boring that even I can't stay awake for more than 10 minutes...
Fourth problem I have is with the attitude of the other agents. Verizon is trying to push for excellence and great customer service, but I'm constantly having customers tell me that I'm the first rep they've had that wasn't a jerk and/or a complete moron (which is saying something because I have no clue what I'm doing)... Agents snap at cxs, transfer them without telling them what's going on, act like they don't care, and talk to them like they're idiots (even though most of them are, you still don't talk to someone like that)... This makes my calls that much harder because not only am I trying to fix their problem and give them a good experience, but I'm having to make up for the huge negative experience the cx has already had. Do I have to do everything myself?!
So, as you can see, there is a lot of stuff that could be improved at Teleperformance in Verizon. I have to drag myself out of bed every morning and go through an internal struggle every day debating on it's worth it or if I'd rather give up my car and not go to school, just so I could get a job that pays less but made me less miserable. If you are tough and don't care about how you're treated or the customers, then the money is pretty good and you could probably work there just fine. But it is definitely NOT the right place for me... So if anyone knows of any full time jobs that pay $10+ an hour then please let me know!!!!!!!!
Friday, June 1, 2012
That'll do pig, that'll do...
I've decided I am going to start calling M'kenna "Babe" because she is the pig in Orem City...
M'kenna and I have never been the tidiest people. Growing up my mom would constantly be on our case about cleaning up. With me it was mostly just stuff on the floor of my room, with Kenna it was everything... When I moved out my habits came with me; I'd take a few days to do my dishes, I'd leave my clothes on the floor and stuff would pile up on my desk. However, as time went on I started getting grossed out by the dishes so I started cleaning them right after I used them, I kept my floor tidier, I clean up messes that I made, and I tried organizing my desk more often.
Kenna had the same problem when she moved in with me, the only problem is that her mess gets in everyone's way (I at least tried to keep mine confined to my room), and she's not learning! 9 months and she still NEVER does her dishes, she never helps out with any chores, her clothes are scattered all over her floor and there's a big pile behind our door that prevents me from opening it more than half way, her stuff is EVERYWHERE in the apartment, she has all these crafts and then never picks up the mess, there's so much crap on her bed that she's too lazy to clean up that she "has" to sleep over at Cory's (because, you know, it's not like we've got 2 couches and a love sac in the living room...), and she's got make up and hair clippings all over the bathroom sink... could she get much nastier? I submit that she could not! When friends come over I am so embarrassed, but I refuse to clean up her mess and I let them know that, but then I'm embarrassed for her! I don't understand how she can live like that, even at my worst I wouldn't be able to stand it! Wait... I know, she doesn't ever actually live here so she doesn't have to deal with her own mess... She's always out partying or over at Cory's... So, she comes and does her little "piggy thing" in MY HOME and then leaves so she doesn't have to live in it. Not cool! If anyone has any ideas for how to get her to get her crap together, please PLEASE PLEEEEEEEAAAAAASSSSSSSEEEE let me know!
M'kenna and I have never been the tidiest people. Growing up my mom would constantly be on our case about cleaning up. With me it was mostly just stuff on the floor of my room, with Kenna it was everything... When I moved out my habits came with me; I'd take a few days to do my dishes, I'd leave my clothes on the floor and stuff would pile up on my desk. However, as time went on I started getting grossed out by the dishes so I started cleaning them right after I used them, I kept my floor tidier, I clean up messes that I made, and I tried organizing my desk more often.
Kenna had the same problem when she moved in with me, the only problem is that her mess gets in everyone's way (I at least tried to keep mine confined to my room), and she's not learning! 9 months and she still NEVER does her dishes, she never helps out with any chores, her clothes are scattered all over her floor and there's a big pile behind our door that prevents me from opening it more than half way, her stuff is EVERYWHERE in the apartment, she has all these crafts and then never picks up the mess, there's so much crap on her bed that she's too lazy to clean up that she "has" to sleep over at Cory's (because, you know, it's not like we've got 2 couches and a love sac in the living room...), and she's got make up and hair clippings all over the bathroom sink... could she get much nastier? I submit that she could not! When friends come over I am so embarrassed, but I refuse to clean up her mess and I let them know that, but then I'm embarrassed for her! I don't understand how she can live like that, even at my worst I wouldn't be able to stand it! Wait... I know, she doesn't ever actually live here so she doesn't have to deal with her own mess... She's always out partying or over at Cory's... So, she comes and does her little "piggy thing" in MY HOME and then leaves so she doesn't have to live in it. Not cool! If anyone has any ideas for how to get her to get her crap together, please PLEASE PLEEEEEEEAAAAAASSSSSSSEEEE let me know!
Thursday, May 10, 2012
Thou art an unintelligent harlot
You a stupid hoe! You a you a stupid hoe! That's right, this post is about that freakin, little, Mormon whore!
I put up with a lot of crap from my sister, M'kenna, but the biggest thing that bothers me right now is her interactions with the male gender. Since October she has pretty much been with my friend Cory (but not really). They're not official so apparently that has made it ok for her to kiss several boys in the past 1/2 a year, including one of my ex-boyfriends. But, even though they're not official, they still look, act, and feel like a couple, they even claim each other! "You can't have her, she's mine." "She can get over it, cuz you're mine." They make so much sense it hurts... She would always flirt with guys (one in particular named Forrest), but when they started to like her and thought she liked them, she would tell them to back off because she had a boyfriend... then called them jack-asses when they got mad about it. I wonder what could have possibly upset them...
Finally, after like 5 months, they became "official".... which lasted like 2 weeks... WTF?! It's not like anything changed this entire time except their title so I'm not sure what their problem is. Just a few days after Kenna had "broken up" with Cory, I came home to find her on the couch cuddling with (what's his face? oh yeah!) Lucas. They ended up falling asleep on the couch. So that means that her and Cory are over, right? DEAD WRONG! The next 2 nights she was back at Cory's like nothing had ever happened. The day after that she was watching a movie and dear Marshall had his arm around her now. Then she's always out partying and she'll bring home a different guy every week. All the while, she still spends her nights at Cory's, he still takes her everywhere, buys her stuff, feeds her, takes her out for movies, rollerblading, mini-golf, whatever she feels like... He helped get her eviction notice extended so she wouldn't get kicked out, then ended up paying over $200 bucks of her rent for her! He's actually spent well over $2000 on her, and that's just since January! He still has strong feelings for her and thinks that she still has feelings for him, she's just scared of getting too serious. He has no idea what she does when he's not around, and would NOT be ok with it if he found out...
According to him, they broke up because they were afraid they were getting too serious. According to her, he proposed and so she broke things off because he was really clingy and she wasn't ready for marriage yet. I have since talked to him about all of this and we both found out that pretty much everything she says is a lie. He has had MANY conversations with her and they've sorted it out. I seriously doubt it because they're always still together, they still act like a couple, and she still spends her nights over at his place. Well, most nights... last night a new chapter developed... Aydan...
So Aydan is this great guy that M'kenna works with. He's got the mouth of a sailor, he smokes and loves talking about weed and cocaine, he's got a huge tattoo on his arm, he dumped a chick at prom (i think just 4 nights ago), and he has such a great, nasty sense of humor. To put it in M'kenna's words, "isn't he a keeper?!" Oh yeah, totally... Last night was the first time I'd not only met this guy, but ever heard of him, and yet they were so tangled up on the couch that I couldn't tell which limbs belonged to whom! They were all kissy and gross right in front of me and my friends. They were watching The Notebook because it's his favorite movie. In my mind that can only mean one of 2 things: either he's gay, or he's a total tool who wants to look sensitive so he can get in a chick's pants. I could see it going either way. After the movie they migrate to the bedroom and you can hear them making out through the walls. I walked in to put my stuff away, "not realizing they were in there", and he was on top of her doing... I don't even want to know. I left and ended up falling asleep on the couch. But, before I completely lost consciousness, this sweetheart decided to ease my mind by coming out and telling me to not worry, they were only making out. Making out on the first time over, that's elegant... He then proceeded to tell me that he was going to use one of my pillows, ew! I woke up the next morning to him on the phone; I pretended to be asleep so I could hear the full, unedited conversation (yes, I know I'm an evesdropper). First he was yelling at some guy for letting him oversleep, then coughing profusely as he asked someone if he could postpone his court date because he was just so so sick, then yelling at the guy again for not telling him to be at the courthouse by 8:30 when it didn't start til 9 (why on earth would someone want to be a bit early for court? it's not like you're trying to make a good impression or anything...) Once his phone calls were done, he and Kenna started talking about some guy that was hitting her and now, after last night, he could be all like "back off dude, dat ass is mine". That they didn't do anything but he, in the words of M'kenna, "got on that shit." Why she's talking like she's all BA, I have no idea...
So basically, my sister's a Mormon slut, her new boyfriend's a piece-of-crap douche, and I'm back to square one, freaking out about what my little sister is doing and worrying that she's ok and if she's still a virgin and all that jazz that I just love so much... FML
I put up with a lot of crap from my sister, M'kenna, but the biggest thing that bothers me right now is her interactions with the male gender. Since October she has pretty much been with my friend Cory (but not really). They're not official so apparently that has made it ok for her to kiss several boys in the past 1/2 a year, including one of my ex-boyfriends. But, even though they're not official, they still look, act, and feel like a couple, they even claim each other! "You can't have her, she's mine." "She can get over it, cuz you're mine." They make so much sense it hurts... She would always flirt with guys (one in particular named Forrest), but when they started to like her and thought she liked them, she would tell them to back off because she had a boyfriend... then called them jack-asses when they got mad about it. I wonder what could have possibly upset them...
Finally, after like 5 months, they became "official".... which lasted like 2 weeks... WTF?! It's not like anything changed this entire time except their title so I'm not sure what their problem is. Just a few days after Kenna had "broken up" with Cory, I came home to find her on the couch cuddling with (what's his face? oh yeah!) Lucas. They ended up falling asleep on the couch. So that means that her and Cory are over, right? DEAD WRONG! The next 2 nights she was back at Cory's like nothing had ever happened. The day after that she was watching a movie and dear Marshall had his arm around her now. Then she's always out partying and she'll bring home a different guy every week. All the while, she still spends her nights at Cory's, he still takes her everywhere, buys her stuff, feeds her, takes her out for movies, rollerblading, mini-golf, whatever she feels like... He helped get her eviction notice extended so she wouldn't get kicked out, then ended up paying over $200 bucks of her rent for her! He's actually spent well over $2000 on her, and that's just since January! He still has strong feelings for her and thinks that she still has feelings for him, she's just scared of getting too serious. He has no idea what she does when he's not around, and would NOT be ok with it if he found out...
According to him, they broke up because they were afraid they were getting too serious. According to her, he proposed and so she broke things off because he was really clingy and she wasn't ready for marriage yet. I have since talked to him about all of this and we both found out that pretty much everything she says is a lie. He has had MANY conversations with her and they've sorted it out. I seriously doubt it because they're always still together, they still act like a couple, and she still spends her nights over at his place. Well, most nights... last night a new chapter developed... Aydan...
So Aydan is this great guy that M'kenna works with. He's got the mouth of a sailor, he smokes and loves talking about weed and cocaine, he's got a huge tattoo on his arm, he dumped a chick at prom (i think just 4 nights ago), and he has such a great, nasty sense of humor. To put it in M'kenna's words, "isn't he a keeper?!" Oh yeah, totally... Last night was the first time I'd not only met this guy, but ever heard of him, and yet they were so tangled up on the couch that I couldn't tell which limbs belonged to whom! They were all kissy and gross right in front of me and my friends. They were watching The Notebook because it's his favorite movie. In my mind that can only mean one of 2 things: either he's gay, or he's a total tool who wants to look sensitive so he can get in a chick's pants. I could see it going either way. After the movie they migrate to the bedroom and you can hear them making out through the walls. I walked in to put my stuff away, "not realizing they were in there", and he was on top of her doing... I don't even want to know. I left and ended up falling asleep on the couch. But, before I completely lost consciousness, this sweetheart decided to ease my mind by coming out and telling me to not worry, they were only making out. Making out on the first time over, that's elegant... He then proceeded to tell me that he was going to use one of my pillows, ew! I woke up the next morning to him on the phone; I pretended to be asleep so I could hear the full, unedited conversation (yes, I know I'm an evesdropper). First he was yelling at some guy for letting him oversleep, then coughing profusely as he asked someone if he could postpone his court date because he was just so so sick, then yelling at the guy again for not telling him to be at the courthouse by 8:30 when it didn't start til 9 (why on earth would someone want to be a bit early for court? it's not like you're trying to make a good impression or anything...) Once his phone calls were done, he and Kenna started talking about some guy that was hitting her and now, after last night, he could be all like "back off dude, dat ass is mine". That they didn't do anything but he, in the words of M'kenna, "got on that shit." Why she's talking like she's all BA, I have no idea...
So basically, my sister's a Mormon slut, her new boyfriend's a piece-of-crap douche, and I'm back to square one, freaking out about what my little sister is doing and worrying that she's ok and if she's still a virgin and all that jazz that I just love so much... FML
Wednesday, January 25, 2012
*Boys suck*
Boys just straight up suck! I've noticed there are several types of guys in my life and all of them make me so mad I could spit. So here is a guide to the "Men of M'kaaylie":
1. "the creep"- There are several guys that DO like me, I know they do. The only problem is that they are total creepers. They only hang out with me to get with me; they don't actually want to be my friend. These guys are usually on complete opposites of the spectrum. Either they're extremely peter priesthood boys that don't know how to act around girls so they're ridiculously awkward and don't know how to have any fun. Or they're bad boys who drink and smoke and swear and just want to get in my pants...
2. "the flirt"- These guys will be sweet and funny and flirty with me for a little bit. A part of me thinks they might like me and it might be worth a shot, until I see that they're just like that to everyone. They usually aren't interested in girls or dating or a relationship or just something along those lines with anyone. Boys categorized as flirts are what first introduced me to my most common hang out place these days: the "friend zone". Not only do they not like me right now, I'm not even a viable dating option anymore. This really sucks with "the flirt" because this type of guy is usually sweet and funny and a lot of the great things that I look for in a guy.
3. "the dude"- To a lot of guys I don't think I'm seen as a girl. I have a lot of masculine tendencies and I like a lot of the same crap that guys do. I don't specifically like them and they don't like me, we're just friends. I'm viewed as "one of the guys", "not dateable", "a dude". I don't really mind "the dudes" who are just my friends, but sometimes I wish I was more than just that. I want to be that pretty, funny, tough, sensitive, pathetic girl that guys like. Every once in a while I want to be the girl that guys go to their "friend zoned" gal friends to talk about, instead of being stuck in that "friend zone" all the time myself helping guys with their chicks. I wish I could even be given a chance as an option.
4. "the possibility"- This category of boy is very similar to "the flirt" except there's a deeper connection. "The possibility" refers to guys that I've known for a bit, we've hung out, we know each other and we click. We'll tease and flirt and joke and we've got each others back. They become one of my very good friends and I've usually started developing at least a small dose of feelings for him. In my mind I can see a glimpse of hope at the idea that there might be even a possibility of us getting together. Only problem is that the favor is, like, never returned. Here we have what is called the "best friend zone" or even worse, the "sister zone". Once you've been sister zoned, you're screwed; trust me, I know... It usually all starts when my "possibility" starts asking for advice about another girl; that's when you know you're toast.
5. "the dream"- Oh boy, the dream... what to make of the dream? As everyone that knows me knows, I get crushes on lots of guys. "the dream" is only referring to major major crushes. The ones that last for more than just a couple weeks or even just a couple months. No, I'm talking about the guys that I've had a hard time thinking straight around since August, June, September 2010, even December 2008. These are the guys I would date in a heartbeat. They're strong in the church, funny, dorky, musical, goofy but mature, and attractive both physically (to me) and emotionally. They have sweet personalities that make me want to melt. They are as happy and confident as I am and are also not afraid to show it or to share it! The only problem is that these "dream boys" are just that... dreams... they don't acknowledge me, they don't hang out with me, most of the time I don't think they notice me; I'm just another member of the band or face in the ward; nothing special.
6. "the gay"- This last category seems kind of unnecessary and self explanatory, like it goes without saying. Well, just my luck, I've run into the situation on a number of occasions where I'll hang out with a guy and the traits resemble very closely to that of "the flirt". There's only one problem: turns out we bat for the same team! My heart is crushed as I find out that my crush and I have crushed on the same person before... nothing weird about that... But seriously, when does that happen?! And on multiple occasions too! It's just ridiculous! But that's just my luck...
So, as you can see, no matter what type of guy a boy is in my life, they suck balls... hard...
1. "the creep"- There are several guys that DO like me, I know they do. The only problem is that they are total creepers. They only hang out with me to get with me; they don't actually want to be my friend. These guys are usually on complete opposites of the spectrum. Either they're extremely peter priesthood boys that don't know how to act around girls so they're ridiculously awkward and don't know how to have any fun. Or they're bad boys who drink and smoke and swear and just want to get in my pants...
2. "the flirt"- These guys will be sweet and funny and flirty with me for a little bit. A part of me thinks they might like me and it might be worth a shot, until I see that they're just like that to everyone. They usually aren't interested in girls or dating or a relationship or just something along those lines with anyone. Boys categorized as flirts are what first introduced me to my most common hang out place these days: the "friend zone". Not only do they not like me right now, I'm not even a viable dating option anymore. This really sucks with "the flirt" because this type of guy is usually sweet and funny and a lot of the great things that I look for in a guy.
3. "the dude"- To a lot of guys I don't think I'm seen as a girl. I have a lot of masculine tendencies and I like a lot of the same crap that guys do. I don't specifically like them and they don't like me, we're just friends. I'm viewed as "one of the guys", "not dateable", "a dude". I don't really mind "the dudes" who are just my friends, but sometimes I wish I was more than just that. I want to be that pretty, funny, tough, sensitive, pathetic girl that guys like. Every once in a while I want to be the girl that guys go to their "friend zoned" gal friends to talk about, instead of being stuck in that "friend zone" all the time myself helping guys with their chicks. I wish I could even be given a chance as an option.
4. "the possibility"- This category of boy is very similar to "the flirt" except there's a deeper connection. "The possibility" refers to guys that I've known for a bit, we've hung out, we know each other and we click. We'll tease and flirt and joke and we've got each others back. They become one of my very good friends and I've usually started developing at least a small dose of feelings for him. In my mind I can see a glimpse of hope at the idea that there might be even a possibility of us getting together. Only problem is that the favor is, like, never returned. Here we have what is called the "best friend zone" or even worse, the "sister zone". Once you've been sister zoned, you're screwed; trust me, I know... It usually all starts when my "possibility" starts asking for advice about another girl; that's when you know you're toast.
5. "the dream"- Oh boy, the dream... what to make of the dream? As everyone that knows me knows, I get crushes on lots of guys. "the dream" is only referring to major major crushes. The ones that last for more than just a couple weeks or even just a couple months. No, I'm talking about the guys that I've had a hard time thinking straight around since August, June, September 2010, even December 2008. These are the guys I would date in a heartbeat. They're strong in the church, funny, dorky, musical, goofy but mature, and attractive both physically (to me) and emotionally. They have sweet personalities that make me want to melt. They are as happy and confident as I am and are also not afraid to show it or to share it! The only problem is that these "dream boys" are just that... dreams... they don't acknowledge me, they don't hang out with me, most of the time I don't think they notice me; I'm just another member of the band or face in the ward; nothing special.
6. "the gay"- This last category seems kind of unnecessary and self explanatory, like it goes without saying. Well, just my luck, I've run into the situation on a number of occasions where I'll hang out with a guy and the traits resemble very closely to that of "the flirt". There's only one problem: turns out we bat for the same team! My heart is crushed as I find out that my crush and I have crushed on the same person before... nothing weird about that... But seriously, when does that happen?! And on multiple occasions too! It's just ridiculous! But that's just my luck...
So, as you can see, no matter what type of guy a boy is in my life, they suck balls... hard...
Friday, December 23, 2011
Bieber Fever
AHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I don't care what anyone else says, I love Justin Bieber! He's cute as I'll get out! He's got such an amazing voice that makes me want to melt! He's so sweet! He's only 2 years younger than me! and on top of everything else, I'm allowed to have my own freakin opinion!!!!!!!!
Everyone always gives me crap because I don't follow the crowd. When Hannah Montana came out I liked her too until she turned into a slut. All my friends were constantly dissing me when I would sing her songs or say that I liked her, then when I stopped liking her because she turned into a skank, everyone else started to like her and they thought I was weird for not liking her. Now I like the Biebs and I'm always getting teased for it. I don't see the big deal, everyone has different tastes. I don't tell my friends they're freaks because they listen to their annoying heavy rock, screamo, sexual, devil worshiping or whatever music. Please tell me if I'm missing something; I thought individuality was a good thing, I thought we were suppose to have our own thoughts and opinions, and I thought being different was what so many are striving for. So I'm the bad one because I ACTUALLY achieved it? Why am I lame because my opinions and interests aren't as rough or vulgar as the general consensus? I think that's a good thing.
So to anyone that wants to give me crap because I like a cute young singer with a good voice that sings fun, clean songs with a beat that I like, get over yourselves! Seriously, I'm sure you've got plenty of better stuff to be doing with your time than picking on my for being unique.
I love you Justin <3
Everyone always gives me crap because I don't follow the crowd. When Hannah Montana came out I liked her too until she turned into a slut. All my friends were constantly dissing me when I would sing her songs or say that I liked her, then when I stopped liking her because she turned into a skank, everyone else started to like her and they thought I was weird for not liking her. Now I like the Biebs and I'm always getting teased for it. I don't see the big deal, everyone has different tastes. I don't tell my friends they're freaks because they listen to their annoying heavy rock, screamo, sexual, devil worshiping or whatever music. Please tell me if I'm missing something; I thought individuality was a good thing, I thought we were suppose to have our own thoughts and opinions, and I thought being different was what so many are striving for. So I'm the bad one because I ACTUALLY achieved it? Why am I lame because my opinions and interests aren't as rough or vulgar as the general consensus? I think that's a good thing.
So to anyone that wants to give me crap because I like a cute young singer with a good voice that sings fun, clean songs with a beat that I like, get over yourselves! Seriously, I'm sure you've got plenty of better stuff to be doing with your time than picking on my for being unique.
I love you Justin <3
Thursday, December 22, 2011
Never ever ever ever ever ever EVER!!!!
I am really kind of actually stupid.
NEVER take 15 credits when several of them are performance classes, you're working full time, you don't have a car, you're trying to keep a choir going, you actually plan on getting sleep, and you don't know how to NOT have a social life... it'll end up in failure. But at least I learned one thing... to never ever ever EVER to it again! Hurray for being a part time student next semester! That way I can focus more on saving up for a car, actually passing my classes, improving my ward choir and their experience with me, my dating life (as if), and my new MENTOR position! =D
Maybe, if I'm lucky, I'll get a supervisor position or get married in the near future and then I won't have to worry about school anymore! hahaha! That'll be the day ;)
NEVER take 15 credits when several of them are performance classes, you're working full time, you don't have a car, you're trying to keep a choir going, you actually plan on getting sleep, and you don't know how to NOT have a social life... it'll end up in failure. But at least I learned one thing... to never ever ever EVER to it again! Hurray for being a part time student next semester! That way I can focus more on saving up for a car, actually passing my classes, improving my ward choir and their experience with me, my dating life (as if), and my new MENTOR position! =D
Maybe, if I'm lucky, I'll get a supervisor position or get married in the near future and then I won't have to worry about school anymore! hahaha! That'll be the day ;)
Monday, October 3, 2011
How to Love
I'm not sure how I'm feeling on the current topic at hand. Everywhere I look I see people pairing off; getting together. Couples are taking over my life. I see engagement pictures and big honkin' rings all over Facebook. All I hear from my friends is cutsie stories about them and their significant others. It's not that this bothers me, I'm way happy for everyone out there that is able to find that special someone for them; I wish them all the happiness in the world and I'm always willing to listen to their stories because I've been there and I know how they feel. But it gets old when you feel like you're the only person you know that doesn't have a "someone". Even my single friends have some "special" friend to flirt with and cuddle and kiss; they'll probably end up being couples soon enough. I miss having that one person that's always there and that can always make me happy. No amount of crushes can make up for liking one guy that likes you back.
But at the same time, not any guy will do. No, he needs to be the perfect guy for me; my best friend, fitting everything on my list, and wanting to be with me too. Thanks to a certain someone, the bar has been set extremely high and I won't settle for anything less. This is one of the reasons why it's very difficult to escape the "single" status. Also, I have no time to spend with anyone to find out if they do make the cut. I'm not close enough with anyone to even consider them as a companion. Right now I'm basically dating my school, my band, and my job... Which is fine with me.
I miss being in a relationship, but I'm not freaking out to be in one again; if it happens it happens, if it doesn't it doesn't. I also enjoy single life and being independent. Mushy-gushy, lovey-dovey couples kind of gross me out anyway. I'm also fed up with people trying to play match maker; I'll find a guy on my own; on my own time, with my own taste, and in my own way because he will be my own boyfriend. I'm only 19! There's no hurry, seriously! It's also kind of fun being about to flirt around and get samples to find what I'm looking for. No one can ever get on my case about "cheating" just because I have a flirty personality.
Who knows... Maybe the reason I'm so disgustingly single is because I'm suppose to be waiting for my "soul mate". Maybe it's even someone I already know. Maybe that's why I'm ok with being so single; I know MY guy is out there and AZ just needs him more right now; he'll be back soon enough. Like I said before, I'm only 19, I'm in no hurry. Maybe I'm subconsciously making myself un-dateable for that very reason. Or maybe HE's not really the one for me and this just isn't my luckiest round of the dating game. Especially since all the guys that I do start to like and hang out with get taken or turn into total douches. Players, losers, idiots, babies, immature old fogies, fickle brats, clueless boys, you name it, I've had the worse possible luck with guys ever since I broke up with Devin. Several of the guys I've liked have even ended up being gay... like I said, really bad luck... And all the guys that like me are creepers and/or ridiculously awkward.
So I'm completely torn between wanting to be in a relationship really bad and being completely revolted by the very thought... it's getting really obnoxious. Hopefully eventually I'll figure out How (and who) to Love <3
But at the same time, not any guy will do. No, he needs to be the perfect guy for me; my best friend, fitting everything on my list, and wanting to be with me too. Thanks to a certain someone, the bar has been set extremely high and I won't settle for anything less. This is one of the reasons why it's very difficult to escape the "single" status. Also, I have no time to spend with anyone to find out if they do make the cut. I'm not close enough with anyone to even consider them as a companion. Right now I'm basically dating my school, my band, and my job... Which is fine with me.
I miss being in a relationship, but I'm not freaking out to be in one again; if it happens it happens, if it doesn't it doesn't. I also enjoy single life and being independent. Mushy-gushy, lovey-dovey couples kind of gross me out anyway. I'm also fed up with people trying to play match maker; I'll find a guy on my own; on my own time, with my own taste, and in my own way because he will be my own boyfriend. I'm only 19! There's no hurry, seriously! It's also kind of fun being about to flirt around and get samples to find what I'm looking for. No one can ever get on my case about "cheating" just because I have a flirty personality.
Who knows... Maybe the reason I'm so disgustingly single is because I'm suppose to be waiting for my "soul mate". Maybe it's even someone I already know. Maybe that's why I'm ok with being so single; I know MY guy is out there and AZ just needs him more right now; he'll be back soon enough. Like I said before, I'm only 19, I'm in no hurry. Maybe I'm subconsciously making myself un-dateable for that very reason. Or maybe HE's not really the one for me and this just isn't my luckiest round of the dating game. Especially since all the guys that I do start to like and hang out with get taken or turn into total douches. Players, losers, idiots, babies, immature old fogies, fickle brats, clueless boys, you name it, I've had the worse possible luck with guys ever since I broke up with Devin. Several of the guys I've liked have even ended up being gay... like I said, really bad luck... And all the guys that like me are creepers and/or ridiculously awkward.
So I'm completely torn between wanting to be in a relationship really bad and being completely revolted by the very thought... it's getting really obnoxious. Hopefully eventually I'll figure out How (and who) to Love <3
Friday, September 23, 2011
Help Me!!!!!!
I don't know how much longer I can keep this up... let me show you a break down of my day and the time spent on everything in a week...
hours in a week-168
breakdown:
getting ready-7 hours
at school- 21 hours
at work- 42 hours
at church-5 hours
travel-10 hours
practicing clarinet- 10 hours
homework- 10 hours
sleep-50 hours
total: 155 hours
And this is just if i'm being extremely efficient, which I'm not a lot of the time... But that means I have 13 free hours in my entire week. that's less than 2 hours a day. And that's because I'm still not practicing my clarinet as much as I should... my clarinet time should be between 14-35 hours... and homework should be at 20 at least... that's MORE hours than there are in a week, which is why 50 hours is extremely generous for sleep. This also leaves absolutely no time whatsoever for socializing. I'm still a teenage girl; I need to socialize; I need time to just sit, relax, and chill. It's not even midterm and I already think I'm going to collapse and fail at something. I never have time to read my textbooks or practice so I'm falling behind. I'm so determined to perform passably in band that I'm skipping other classes to get practice time in. This is making me suffer in my other classes. But what else can I do? Especially since most of the time that I am home is time when normal people are asleep, so it's not like I can get effective practice time in then.... I'm honestly thinking about just doing band next semester and working because that's something that I can handle.... It'll be better once I change my major, but that doesn't help me NOW. What should I do?! How am I suppose to survive these next couple months?! Thank goodness for tithing and the gospel <3
hours in a week-168
breakdown:
getting ready-7 hours
at school- 21 hours
at work- 42 hours
at church-5 hours
travel-10 hours
practicing clarinet- 10 hours
homework- 10 hours
sleep-50 hours
total: 155 hours
And this is just if i'm being extremely efficient, which I'm not a lot of the time... But that means I have 13 free hours in my entire week. that's less than 2 hours a day. And that's because I'm still not practicing my clarinet as much as I should... my clarinet time should be between 14-35 hours... and homework should be at 20 at least... that's MORE hours than there are in a week, which is why 50 hours is extremely generous for sleep. This also leaves absolutely no time whatsoever for socializing. I'm still a teenage girl; I need to socialize; I need time to just sit, relax, and chill. It's not even midterm and I already think I'm going to collapse and fail at something. I never have time to read my textbooks or practice so I'm falling behind. I'm so determined to perform passably in band that I'm skipping other classes to get practice time in. This is making me suffer in my other classes. But what else can I do? Especially since most of the time that I am home is time when normal people are asleep, so it's not like I can get effective practice time in then.... I'm honestly thinking about just doing band next semester and working because that's something that I can handle.... It'll be better once I change my major, but that doesn't help me NOW. What should I do?! How am I suppose to survive these next couple months?! Thank goodness for tithing and the gospel <3
Friday, September 9, 2011
I'm Sorry
Dear clarinet instructor,
I would just like to apologize for being such a failure to you. It simply is not possible for me to live up to your expectations. I am taking 15 credits, working 40 hours a week, in 3 musical ensembles, staying active in church, called as ward chorister and choir director, and still need to be able to eat and sleep. I have pretty much given up my social life and my dating life is non-existent.
I'm sorry but I just cannot practice my clarinet for 2-5 hours a day, I'm lucky if I pick it up at all some days. Not all of us work as clarinet instructors and music professors and, therefore, are not able to practice throughout the day at work like you can.
My parents do not support me at all; I am completely independent and pay for everything I do, including school. I do not have the budget for buying dozens of reeds a month, getting my clarinet checked out constantly, and I certainly do not have the dough for a new professional clarinet. I have lived on my own for over a year and have been able to stay out of debt and pay for everything up front and in full, I would like to keep it that way. It is not worth it to me to go into debt for a new instrument when I have one already that works just fine. The fact that you even mentioned the idea of me not working as much and taking out a loan for school and a new clarinet sent chills down my spine; you might as well have told me to start biting off my right arm.
I understand that these extreme measures are what it takes to make it in this ridiculously competitive field, and I know that there are people out there that can make it happen and it works for them... I am not one of them. I have realized, thanks to you, that I obviously do not have the time, funds, dedication, or talent that it takes to be a clarinetist or a music major and so, after this semester, I will be changing my major and I will no longer be the "weak link" thorn in your side that I know that I am. I will not waste any more of your time that you would much rather use for teaching more competent students or, even better, getting in some of your 5 hours of practice a day. I will never stop playing and I will never give up on music, but I just cannot stand having it as a major anymore.
I will work my butt off for the rest of the semester and I will try my hardest to improve on my clarinet as much as I possibly can and perfect the music that I have instructed to perform. I don't believe in dropping the ball and throwing people under the bus when they have entrusted me with responsibilities and are relying on me. However, after this semester, you will not have to hold your breath with the fear that I can't practice enough to perform adequately enough for you. I'll get out of your hair and out of your way. Thank you for your time and thank you for everything you have taught me this past year.
Sincerely yours,
Elementary Education major (music minor)
I would just like to apologize for being such a failure to you. It simply is not possible for me to live up to your expectations. I am taking 15 credits, working 40 hours a week, in 3 musical ensembles, staying active in church, called as ward chorister and choir director, and still need to be able to eat and sleep. I have pretty much given up my social life and my dating life is non-existent.
I'm sorry but I just cannot practice my clarinet for 2-5 hours a day, I'm lucky if I pick it up at all some days. Not all of us work as clarinet instructors and music professors and, therefore, are not able to practice throughout the day at work like you can.
My parents do not support me at all; I am completely independent and pay for everything I do, including school. I do not have the budget for buying dozens of reeds a month, getting my clarinet checked out constantly, and I certainly do not have the dough for a new professional clarinet. I have lived on my own for over a year and have been able to stay out of debt and pay for everything up front and in full, I would like to keep it that way. It is not worth it to me to go into debt for a new instrument when I have one already that works just fine. The fact that you even mentioned the idea of me not working as much and taking out a loan for school and a new clarinet sent chills down my spine; you might as well have told me to start biting off my right arm.
I understand that these extreme measures are what it takes to make it in this ridiculously competitive field, and I know that there are people out there that can make it happen and it works for them... I am not one of them. I have realized, thanks to you, that I obviously do not have the time, funds, dedication, or talent that it takes to be a clarinetist or a music major and so, after this semester, I will be changing my major and I will no longer be the "weak link" thorn in your side that I know that I am. I will not waste any more of your time that you would much rather use for teaching more competent students or, even better, getting in some of your 5 hours of practice a day. I will never stop playing and I will never give up on music, but I just cannot stand having it as a major anymore.
I will work my butt off for the rest of the semester and I will try my hardest to improve on my clarinet as much as I possibly can and perfect the music that I have instructed to perform. I don't believe in dropping the ball and throwing people under the bus when they have entrusted me with responsibilities and are relying on me. However, after this semester, you will not have to hold your breath with the fear that I can't practice enough to perform adequately enough for you. I'll get out of your hair and out of your way. Thank you for your time and thank you for everything you have taught me this past year.
Sincerely yours,
Elementary Education major (music minor)
Monday, January 31, 2011
Beautiful to Him
Since I moved out of my house I have found myself worrying about the way I look more. Worrying about gaining weight, wondering if I'm pretty enough to be attractive to guys, dealing with silly trivial things like my clothes, the color of my hair, and if I should wear make up or not. But then I listened to this song that I absolutely love by Jenny Phillips:
So much noise
so much peace destroyed
i can hardly hear the voice
leading me through the void
just so much noise
the world's little lies
destruction in disguise
opportunities to compromise
to make me beautiful in their eyes
but i'm not going to buy
the world's little lies
cause i define myself and find my beauty in
the light he gives
i'm refined by his divine intentions every day i live
it doesn't matter what the world believes
or what they say that beauty means
it comes from within...
i wanna be beautiful to him.
he's given me his trust
so i'll be strong enough
to run from a dangerous touch
i don't need THAT kind of "love"
i don't need that crutch
he's given me his trust.
cause i define myself and find my beauty in
the light he gives
i'm refined by his divine intentions every day i live
it doesn't matter what the world believes
or what they say that beauty means
it comes from within.....
i wanna be beautiful to him.
I know how to shine
my life's not really mine
it's not about a worldly climb
it's all about HIS design
so in his eyes...
i wanna shine.
cause i define myself and find my beauty in
the light he gives
i'm refined by his divine intentions every day i live
it doesn't matter what the world believes
or what they say that beauty means
it comes from within...
i wanna be beautiful to him.
i want to live to have his peace
and feel the holiness he sees
it comes from within.....
i wanna be beautiful
to Him.
This song helped me remember the precious truth that I had let get clouded up; that it doesn't matter if I look like a Barbie doll or Raggedy Ann doll. I am still a Daughter of My Heavenly Father and I am beautiful to Him. He loves me and thinks I'm beautiful whether I'm skinny as a twig, have perfect flowing hair, a smooth complexion, and I'm wearing the trendiest clothes on the market, or if I'm kinda flabby, my hair's up in a ponytail, I've got a couple zits and I'm wearing a baggy t-shirt and a pair of jeans. I should be focusing more on my inner beauty. Conditioning my faith, keeping my knowledge of the gospel up to date, and making sure my spirit is beautiful.
Also, that I shouldn't bother with whether boys think I'm hot or not. If a guy is really worth my while he will like me for my personality, testimony and what I have to offer. That will make me beautiful to him. NOT having a pound of make up on my face.
I'm not saying that this means that I don't think I have to take care of myself. I just shouldn't make my appearance be the center of my attention.
Focus your life around the Savior and be Beautiful to Him.
so much peace destroyed
i can hardly hear the voice
leading me through the void
just so much noise
the world's little lies
destruction in disguise
opportunities to compromise
to make me beautiful in their eyes
but i'm not going to buy
the world's little lies
cause i define myself and find my beauty in
the light he gives
i'm refined by his divine intentions every day i live
it doesn't matter what the world believes
or what they say that beauty means
it comes from within...
i wanna be beautiful to him.
he's given me his trust
so i'll be strong enough
to run from a dangerous touch
i don't need THAT kind of "love"
i don't need that crutch
he's given me his trust.
cause i define myself and find my beauty in
the light he gives
i'm refined by his divine intentions every day i live
it doesn't matter what the world believes
or what they say that beauty means
it comes from within.....
i wanna be beautiful to him.
I know how to shine
my life's not really mine
it's not about a worldly climb
it's all about HIS design
so in his eyes...
i wanna shine.
cause i define myself and find my beauty in
the light he gives
i'm refined by his divine intentions every day i live
it doesn't matter what the world believes
or what they say that beauty means
it comes from within...
i wanna be beautiful to him.
i want to live to have his peace
and feel the holiness he sees
it comes from within.....
i wanna be beautiful
to Him.
This song helped me remember the precious truth that I had let get clouded up; that it doesn't matter if I look like a Barbie doll or Raggedy Ann doll. I am still a Daughter of My Heavenly Father and I am beautiful to Him. He loves me and thinks I'm beautiful whether I'm skinny as a twig, have perfect flowing hair, a smooth complexion, and I'm wearing the trendiest clothes on the market, or if I'm kinda flabby, my hair's up in a ponytail, I've got a couple zits and I'm wearing a baggy t-shirt and a pair of jeans. I should be focusing more on my inner beauty. Conditioning my faith, keeping my knowledge of the gospel up to date, and making sure my spirit is beautiful.
Also, that I shouldn't bother with whether boys think I'm hot or not. If a guy is really worth my while he will like me for my personality, testimony and what I have to offer. That will make me beautiful to him. NOT having a pound of make up on my face.
I'm not saying that this means that I don't think I have to take care of myself. I just shouldn't make my appearance be the center of my attention.
Focus your life around the Savior and be Beautiful to Him.
Sunday, January 23, 2011
You have been HACKED!
This is Miyuki, M'kaaylie's dear roommate. I love M'kaaylie so much, she is the nicest, funniest, most amazing girl ever. We are stuck together like glue. I love you girrrrrl!
Wednesday, January 12, 2011
An Intense Week
Holy Canolli! First week back to school; what a pain. I've spent most of my time trying to rearrange my schedule and audition for classes and get off waitlists and make sure I have enough credits and figure out my financial aid. I'm about ready to pull my hair out! Luckily I got my financial aid, but it's not quite enough to cover all my classes so I'm going to have to pay some of it myself. I auditioned for bass clarinet in the symphonic band and made it in. I auditioned for bronze ballroom team and made it in. Now I just need a new mouth piece and dance shoes. I'm off all the waitlists but one, which I really need so I'll have enough credits to drop Biology which I really don't want to take this semester.
Thursday was my last day at Target and they paid me for the rest of my time there in cash, on the spot. It was nice :) I'm not going to really miss the job at all, but I really liked the people I worked with. Especially my friend Paul. He was really good to work with and way fun to talk to and goof around with. Too bad he's 30 and has a girlfriend. lol I'm way excited because now I get to start working more and working towards becoming night manager at Subway! Breanna finally fixed Subway University so now I just need to take the classes. Sweet!
I've been working on being more healthy this year. I've been eating less fast food, less junk food, less soda, smaller servings, and lots more fruits and veggies. I also walk a lot more this semester because my classes are all on opposite sides of the building. I'm taking the stairs more, and I've got 3 hours of dance on Mondays, Wednesdays and Fridays. So hopefully I'll be able to get in better shape with all that.
I've been spending a lot of time with the guy I like. We've either hung out, danced, facebooked or texted every day since Dec. 27th. Now I know what you're thinking and no, he doesn't like me. We're just friends. But I'm totally fine with that because we're becoming really good friends and that's exactly what I want. I just want him to know that he can always come to me and that I'm always here for him. I think he's finally starting to understand that.
We're not even half way into the first month of the year and it's already chaotic. It'll be fun to see what the rest of the year brings. Until next time, I bid thee ado.
Thursday was my last day at Target and they paid me for the rest of my time there in cash, on the spot. It was nice :) I'm not going to really miss the job at all, but I really liked the people I worked with. Especially my friend Paul. He was really good to work with and way fun to talk to and goof around with. Too bad he's 30 and has a girlfriend. lol I'm way excited because now I get to start working more and working towards becoming night manager at Subway! Breanna finally fixed Subway University so now I just need to take the classes. Sweet!
I've been working on being more healthy this year. I've been eating less fast food, less junk food, less soda, smaller servings, and lots more fruits and veggies. I also walk a lot more this semester because my classes are all on opposite sides of the building. I'm taking the stairs more, and I've got 3 hours of dance on Mondays, Wednesdays and Fridays. So hopefully I'll be able to get in better shape with all that.
I've been spending a lot of time with the guy I like. We've either hung out, danced, facebooked or texted every day since Dec. 27th. Now I know what you're thinking and no, he doesn't like me. We're just friends. But I'm totally fine with that because we're becoming really good friends and that's exactly what I want. I just want him to know that he can always come to me and that I'm always here for him. I think he's finally starting to understand that.
We're not even half way into the first month of the year and it's already chaotic. It'll be fun to see what the rest of the year brings. Until next time, I bid thee ado.
Thursday, January 6, 2011
Being a helper
A lot of people ask what is the meaning of life? What is my purpose on Earth? I believe that one of the reasons I was put on this Earth was to help others. Even if I have had the most crappiest day ever, if I have helped improve someone else's day, I consider it a good successful day. Nothing brings me more joy than to see others happy.
Today was a really tough day. I was way stressed out and had a lot on my plate. I couldn't focus because I had hardly gotten any sleep the night before because of the stress. I was frazzled, tired, anxious, snappy and just in kind of a downer mood. But I had several friends come to me tonight with different problems in different situations. I talked to them and was able to help each one of them find a solution to their problems through love, understanding, and good advice. Although the rest of my day had been really rough, because I helped my friends I would consider this one of the best days I've had in a while :)
Today was a really tough day. I was way stressed out and had a lot on my plate. I couldn't focus because I had hardly gotten any sleep the night before because of the stress. I was frazzled, tired, anxious, snappy and just in kind of a downer mood. But I had several friends come to me tonight with different problems in different situations. I talked to them and was able to help each one of them find a solution to their problems through love, understanding, and good advice. Although the rest of my day had been really rough, because I helped my friends I would consider this one of the best days I've had in a while :)
Monday, January 3, 2011
Twitterpation
He is so amazing. The more I talk to him, the more I find out we have in common. the more I find out about him, the more I fall in love with him. I wish he would just realize how perfect we are for each other. Sure I'm not as gorgeous as most of the other girls he hangs out with and is into, but I have so much in common with him. We get along so well and are into the same things. What a doll! I've told him I like him, but he's into... her...Yeah, she's awesome, but she just doesn't seem right for him.Yeah, I'm biased, but I don't care. ;) He's everything I want in a guy. He makes me so happy and I can't think straight when I'm around him. I would do anything for him. I would do whatever it takes to make him happy. We can talk for hours and we can talk about anything. I wish he would see me as more than just a friend. Oh well, he doesn't turn 19 til June, I've got time. wish me luck!
Saturday, January 1, 2011
New year, new experience
Wow. Funny to think I've never blogged before. I'm not really sure what my blog is going to be about or turn out to be, so it'll probably just end up being random and all over the place, like me. :)
It's the first day of the year and my new years resolution is to be proactive. I've always just done what I had to, when I had to do it, and only the the point where I could get by. I only deal with things when they become a big problem. Basically, I'm the biggest procrastinator ever and let "whatever" determine my life for me. But after a semester on my own trying to do that, I am done. I want to take care of things before they become a problem. I want to go out of my way to make a better life for myself. No longer will I be the log in the river, flowing wherever it gets pushed and turning where the rocks and current tell it to. It's time to start making things happen for me. It's time to start staying ahead of the game. It's time to take chances. It's time to try new things. It's time to live.
It's the first day of the year and my new years resolution is to be proactive. I've always just done what I had to, when I had to do it, and only the the point where I could get by. I only deal with things when they become a big problem. Basically, I'm the biggest procrastinator ever and let "whatever" determine my life for me. But after a semester on my own trying to do that, I am done. I want to take care of things before they become a problem. I want to go out of my way to make a better life for myself. No longer will I be the log in the river, flowing wherever it gets pushed and turning where the rocks and current tell it to. It's time to start making things happen for me. It's time to start staying ahead of the game. It's time to take chances. It's time to try new things. It's time to live.
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