I don't know how much longer I can keep this up... let me show you a break down of my day and the time spent on everything in a week...
hours in a week-168
breakdown:
getting ready-7 hours
at school- 21 hours
at work- 42 hours
at church-5 hours
travel-10 hours
practicing clarinet- 10 hours
homework- 10 hours
sleep-50 hours
total: 155 hours
And this is just if i'm being extremely efficient, which I'm not a lot of the time... But that means I have 13 free hours in my entire week. that's less than 2 hours a day. And that's because I'm still not practicing my clarinet as much as I should... my clarinet time should be between 14-35 hours... and homework should be at 20 at least... that's MORE hours than there are in a week, which is why 50 hours is extremely generous for sleep. This also leaves absolutely no time whatsoever for socializing. I'm still a teenage girl; I need to socialize; I need time to just sit, relax, and chill. It's not even midterm and I already think I'm going to collapse and fail at something. I never have time to read my textbooks or practice so I'm falling behind. I'm so determined to perform passably in band that I'm skipping other classes to get practice time in. This is making me suffer in my other classes. But what else can I do? Especially since most of the time that I am home is time when normal people are asleep, so it's not like I can get effective practice time in then.... I'm honestly thinking about just doing band next semester and working because that's something that I can handle.... It'll be better once I change my major, but that doesn't help me NOW. What should I do?! How am I suppose to survive these next couple months?! Thank goodness for tithing and the gospel <3
Friday, September 23, 2011
Friday, September 9, 2011
I'm Sorry
Dear clarinet instructor,
I would just like to apologize for being such a failure to you. It simply is not possible for me to live up to your expectations. I am taking 15 credits, working 40 hours a week, in 3 musical ensembles, staying active in church, called as ward chorister and choir director, and still need to be able to eat and sleep. I have pretty much given up my social life and my dating life is non-existent.
I'm sorry but I just cannot practice my clarinet for 2-5 hours a day, I'm lucky if I pick it up at all some days. Not all of us work as clarinet instructors and music professors and, therefore, are not able to practice throughout the day at work like you can.
My parents do not support me at all; I am completely independent and pay for everything I do, including school. I do not have the budget for buying dozens of reeds a month, getting my clarinet checked out constantly, and I certainly do not have the dough for a new professional clarinet. I have lived on my own for over a year and have been able to stay out of debt and pay for everything up front and in full, I would like to keep it that way. It is not worth it to me to go into debt for a new instrument when I have one already that works just fine. The fact that you even mentioned the idea of me not working as much and taking out a loan for school and a new clarinet sent chills down my spine; you might as well have told me to start biting off my right arm.
I understand that these extreme measures are what it takes to make it in this ridiculously competitive field, and I know that there are people out there that can make it happen and it works for them... I am not one of them. I have realized, thanks to you, that I obviously do not have the time, funds, dedication, or talent that it takes to be a clarinetist or a music major and so, after this semester, I will be changing my major and I will no longer be the "weak link" thorn in your side that I know that I am. I will not waste any more of your time that you would much rather use for teaching more competent students or, even better, getting in some of your 5 hours of practice a day. I will never stop playing and I will never give up on music, but I just cannot stand having it as a major anymore.
I will work my butt off for the rest of the semester and I will try my hardest to improve on my clarinet as much as I possibly can and perfect the music that I have instructed to perform. I don't believe in dropping the ball and throwing people under the bus when they have entrusted me with responsibilities and are relying on me. However, after this semester, you will not have to hold your breath with the fear that I can't practice enough to perform adequately enough for you. I'll get out of your hair and out of your way. Thank you for your time and thank you for everything you have taught me this past year.
Sincerely yours,
Elementary Education major (music minor)
I would just like to apologize for being such a failure to you. It simply is not possible for me to live up to your expectations. I am taking 15 credits, working 40 hours a week, in 3 musical ensembles, staying active in church, called as ward chorister and choir director, and still need to be able to eat and sleep. I have pretty much given up my social life and my dating life is non-existent.
I'm sorry but I just cannot practice my clarinet for 2-5 hours a day, I'm lucky if I pick it up at all some days. Not all of us work as clarinet instructors and music professors and, therefore, are not able to practice throughout the day at work like you can.
My parents do not support me at all; I am completely independent and pay for everything I do, including school. I do not have the budget for buying dozens of reeds a month, getting my clarinet checked out constantly, and I certainly do not have the dough for a new professional clarinet. I have lived on my own for over a year and have been able to stay out of debt and pay for everything up front and in full, I would like to keep it that way. It is not worth it to me to go into debt for a new instrument when I have one already that works just fine. The fact that you even mentioned the idea of me not working as much and taking out a loan for school and a new clarinet sent chills down my spine; you might as well have told me to start biting off my right arm.
I understand that these extreme measures are what it takes to make it in this ridiculously competitive field, and I know that there are people out there that can make it happen and it works for them... I am not one of them. I have realized, thanks to you, that I obviously do not have the time, funds, dedication, or talent that it takes to be a clarinetist or a music major and so, after this semester, I will be changing my major and I will no longer be the "weak link" thorn in your side that I know that I am. I will not waste any more of your time that you would much rather use for teaching more competent students or, even better, getting in some of your 5 hours of practice a day. I will never stop playing and I will never give up on music, but I just cannot stand having it as a major anymore.
I will work my butt off for the rest of the semester and I will try my hardest to improve on my clarinet as much as I possibly can and perfect the music that I have instructed to perform. I don't believe in dropping the ball and throwing people under the bus when they have entrusted me with responsibilities and are relying on me. However, after this semester, you will not have to hold your breath with the fear that I can't practice enough to perform adequately enough for you. I'll get out of your hair and out of your way. Thank you for your time and thank you for everything you have taught me this past year.
Sincerely yours,
Elementary Education major (music minor)
Monday, January 31, 2011
Beautiful to Him
Since I moved out of my house I have found myself worrying about the way I look more. Worrying about gaining weight, wondering if I'm pretty enough to be attractive to guys, dealing with silly trivial things like my clothes, the color of my hair, and if I should wear make up or not. But then I listened to this song that I absolutely love by Jenny Phillips:
So much noise
so much peace destroyed
i can hardly hear the voice
leading me through the void
just so much noise
the world's little lies
destruction in disguise
opportunities to compromise
to make me beautiful in their eyes
but i'm not going to buy
the world's little lies
cause i define myself and find my beauty in
the light he gives
i'm refined by his divine intentions every day i live
it doesn't matter what the world believes
or what they say that beauty means
it comes from within...
i wanna be beautiful to him.
he's given me his trust
so i'll be strong enough
to run from a dangerous touch
i don't need THAT kind of "love"
i don't need that crutch
he's given me his trust.
cause i define myself and find my beauty in
the light he gives
i'm refined by his divine intentions every day i live
it doesn't matter what the world believes
or what they say that beauty means
it comes from within.....
i wanna be beautiful to him.
I know how to shine
my life's not really mine
it's not about a worldly climb
it's all about HIS design
so in his eyes...
i wanna shine.
cause i define myself and find my beauty in
the light he gives
i'm refined by his divine intentions every day i live
it doesn't matter what the world believes
or what they say that beauty means
it comes from within...
i wanna be beautiful to him.
i want to live to have his peace
and feel the holiness he sees
it comes from within.....
i wanna be beautiful
to Him.
This song helped me remember the precious truth that I had let get clouded up; that it doesn't matter if I look like a Barbie doll or Raggedy Ann doll. I am still a Daughter of My Heavenly Father and I am beautiful to Him. He loves me and thinks I'm beautiful whether I'm skinny as a twig, have perfect flowing hair, a smooth complexion, and I'm wearing the trendiest clothes on the market, or if I'm kinda flabby, my hair's up in a ponytail, I've got a couple zits and I'm wearing a baggy t-shirt and a pair of jeans. I should be focusing more on my inner beauty. Conditioning my faith, keeping my knowledge of the gospel up to date, and making sure my spirit is beautiful.
Also, that I shouldn't bother with whether boys think I'm hot or not. If a guy is really worth my while he will like me for my personality, testimony and what I have to offer. That will make me beautiful to him. NOT having a pound of make up on my face.
I'm not saying that this means that I don't think I have to take care of myself. I just shouldn't make my appearance be the center of my attention.
Focus your life around the Savior and be Beautiful to Him.
so much peace destroyed
i can hardly hear the voice
leading me through the void
just so much noise
the world's little lies
destruction in disguise
opportunities to compromise
to make me beautiful in their eyes
but i'm not going to buy
the world's little lies
cause i define myself and find my beauty in
the light he gives
i'm refined by his divine intentions every day i live
it doesn't matter what the world believes
or what they say that beauty means
it comes from within...
i wanna be beautiful to him.
he's given me his trust
so i'll be strong enough
to run from a dangerous touch
i don't need THAT kind of "love"
i don't need that crutch
he's given me his trust.
cause i define myself and find my beauty in
the light he gives
i'm refined by his divine intentions every day i live
it doesn't matter what the world believes
or what they say that beauty means
it comes from within.....
i wanna be beautiful to him.
I know how to shine
my life's not really mine
it's not about a worldly climb
it's all about HIS design
so in his eyes...
i wanna shine.
cause i define myself and find my beauty in
the light he gives
i'm refined by his divine intentions every day i live
it doesn't matter what the world believes
or what they say that beauty means
it comes from within...
i wanna be beautiful to him.
i want to live to have his peace
and feel the holiness he sees
it comes from within.....
i wanna be beautiful
to Him.
This song helped me remember the precious truth that I had let get clouded up; that it doesn't matter if I look like a Barbie doll or Raggedy Ann doll. I am still a Daughter of My Heavenly Father and I am beautiful to Him. He loves me and thinks I'm beautiful whether I'm skinny as a twig, have perfect flowing hair, a smooth complexion, and I'm wearing the trendiest clothes on the market, or if I'm kinda flabby, my hair's up in a ponytail, I've got a couple zits and I'm wearing a baggy t-shirt and a pair of jeans. I should be focusing more on my inner beauty. Conditioning my faith, keeping my knowledge of the gospel up to date, and making sure my spirit is beautiful.
Also, that I shouldn't bother with whether boys think I'm hot or not. If a guy is really worth my while he will like me for my personality, testimony and what I have to offer. That will make me beautiful to him. NOT having a pound of make up on my face.
I'm not saying that this means that I don't think I have to take care of myself. I just shouldn't make my appearance be the center of my attention.
Focus your life around the Savior and be Beautiful to Him.
Sunday, January 23, 2011
You have been HACKED!
This is Miyuki, M'kaaylie's dear roommate. I love M'kaaylie so much, she is the nicest, funniest, most amazing girl ever. We are stuck together like glue. I love you girrrrrl!
Wednesday, January 12, 2011
An Intense Week
Holy Canolli! First week back to school; what a pain. I've spent most of my time trying to rearrange my schedule and audition for classes and get off waitlists and make sure I have enough credits and figure out my financial aid. I'm about ready to pull my hair out! Luckily I got my financial aid, but it's not quite enough to cover all my classes so I'm going to have to pay some of it myself. I auditioned for bass clarinet in the symphonic band and made it in. I auditioned for bronze ballroom team and made it in. Now I just need a new mouth piece and dance shoes. I'm off all the waitlists but one, which I really need so I'll have enough credits to drop Biology which I really don't want to take this semester.
Thursday was my last day at Target and they paid me for the rest of my time there in cash, on the spot. It was nice :) I'm not going to really miss the job at all, but I really liked the people I worked with. Especially my friend Paul. He was really good to work with and way fun to talk to and goof around with. Too bad he's 30 and has a girlfriend. lol I'm way excited because now I get to start working more and working towards becoming night manager at Subway! Breanna finally fixed Subway University so now I just need to take the classes. Sweet!
I've been working on being more healthy this year. I've been eating less fast food, less junk food, less soda, smaller servings, and lots more fruits and veggies. I also walk a lot more this semester because my classes are all on opposite sides of the building. I'm taking the stairs more, and I've got 3 hours of dance on Mondays, Wednesdays and Fridays. So hopefully I'll be able to get in better shape with all that.
I've been spending a lot of time with the guy I like. We've either hung out, danced, facebooked or texted every day since Dec. 27th. Now I know what you're thinking and no, he doesn't like me. We're just friends. But I'm totally fine with that because we're becoming really good friends and that's exactly what I want. I just want him to know that he can always come to me and that I'm always here for him. I think he's finally starting to understand that.
We're not even half way into the first month of the year and it's already chaotic. It'll be fun to see what the rest of the year brings. Until next time, I bid thee ado.
Thursday was my last day at Target and they paid me for the rest of my time there in cash, on the spot. It was nice :) I'm not going to really miss the job at all, but I really liked the people I worked with. Especially my friend Paul. He was really good to work with and way fun to talk to and goof around with. Too bad he's 30 and has a girlfriend. lol I'm way excited because now I get to start working more and working towards becoming night manager at Subway! Breanna finally fixed Subway University so now I just need to take the classes. Sweet!
I've been working on being more healthy this year. I've been eating less fast food, less junk food, less soda, smaller servings, and lots more fruits and veggies. I also walk a lot more this semester because my classes are all on opposite sides of the building. I'm taking the stairs more, and I've got 3 hours of dance on Mondays, Wednesdays and Fridays. So hopefully I'll be able to get in better shape with all that.
I've been spending a lot of time with the guy I like. We've either hung out, danced, facebooked or texted every day since Dec. 27th. Now I know what you're thinking and no, he doesn't like me. We're just friends. But I'm totally fine with that because we're becoming really good friends and that's exactly what I want. I just want him to know that he can always come to me and that I'm always here for him. I think he's finally starting to understand that.
We're not even half way into the first month of the year and it's already chaotic. It'll be fun to see what the rest of the year brings. Until next time, I bid thee ado.
Thursday, January 6, 2011
Being a helper
A lot of people ask what is the meaning of life? What is my purpose on Earth? I believe that one of the reasons I was put on this Earth was to help others. Even if I have had the most crappiest day ever, if I have helped improve someone else's day, I consider it a good successful day. Nothing brings me more joy than to see others happy.
Today was a really tough day. I was way stressed out and had a lot on my plate. I couldn't focus because I had hardly gotten any sleep the night before because of the stress. I was frazzled, tired, anxious, snappy and just in kind of a downer mood. But I had several friends come to me tonight with different problems in different situations. I talked to them and was able to help each one of them find a solution to their problems through love, understanding, and good advice. Although the rest of my day had been really rough, because I helped my friends I would consider this one of the best days I've had in a while :)
Today was a really tough day. I was way stressed out and had a lot on my plate. I couldn't focus because I had hardly gotten any sleep the night before because of the stress. I was frazzled, tired, anxious, snappy and just in kind of a downer mood. But I had several friends come to me tonight with different problems in different situations. I talked to them and was able to help each one of them find a solution to their problems through love, understanding, and good advice. Although the rest of my day had been really rough, because I helped my friends I would consider this one of the best days I've had in a while :)
Monday, January 3, 2011
Twitterpation
He is so amazing. The more I talk to him, the more I find out we have in common. the more I find out about him, the more I fall in love with him. I wish he would just realize how perfect we are for each other. Sure I'm not as gorgeous as most of the other girls he hangs out with and is into, but I have so much in common with him. We get along so well and are into the same things. What a doll! I've told him I like him, but he's into... her...Yeah, she's awesome, but she just doesn't seem right for him.Yeah, I'm biased, but I don't care. ;) He's everything I want in a guy. He makes me so happy and I can't think straight when I'm around him. I would do anything for him. I would do whatever it takes to make him happy. We can talk for hours and we can talk about anything. I wish he would see me as more than just a friend. Oh well, he doesn't turn 19 til June, I've got time. wish me luck!
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