Job blues

Ok, so... I started a new job 2 months ago at a call center called Teleperformance, and let me tell you something... If you need a job, don't go there!!!! At least not on the Verizon project. It is a living Hell. I seriously feel the happiness drain from my body the moment I drive into the parking lot. I know this sounds like I'm just being dramatic and I hate my job like every other person out there, but this is different, and I'm going to tell you why.

First, the job itself. I am doing tech support for Verizon FiOS. This encompasses home phones, internet, and video. Seems easy enough, right? Tell the customer to reset their equipment and you're good? No. There are SOOOOOO many things that can, and do, go wrong with these services. Not only do you have to make sure the cx (customer) can make and receive calls, but also that their voice mail and other phone features are all working and that the cx knows how to use them all properly. Not only do you have to make sure that the cx has internet, but also that it's going fast enough and they can connect to the WiFi and that their e-mail is working and all the settings are set up to their satisfaction. Not only do you have to make sure that the cx can watch tv, but also that their picture is crystal clear (you'd be surprised how many people flip out because we "only" have 1080p and not 1080i. There's no difference people!), and their guide is working and they can use the video on demand and DVR perfectly and their remotes are working to their expectations. That's a lot of stuff, but those are really just the basics! There's a thousand different things that could go wrong, even some that the supervisors have never seen and don't know how to fix, but you're expected to resolve the problem one way or another. Not to mention the fact that you have, like, a thousand different departments to transfer people to, and no one can ever seem to transfer people to the right place the first time, so by the time they get to me I'm the 5th person the cx has talked to and they're pissed. Which leads me to my next reason...

Second, the customers. You would think that because you are nice and able to fix a customer's problem that they would be happy and grateful right? Don't bite the hand that feels you. No. Not only do they bite your feeding hand, but they go straight for the neck! They're ticked off at Verizon for having crappy products, previous reps for transferring them around, and you for not having ALL their information ready as soon as they call in and fixing their problem within 5 min. They don't understand that it takes a few minutes to send commands to their equipment. They don't understand that there's a billion things that could be wrong and you still have to go through a process to figure out what the problem is before you can fix it. They think that because they pay Verizon a couple hundred buck a month that we should be kissing their butts and bending over backwards to, not only make their service work, but to please them and bow down to their every whim. They think we have 7 million field techs just sitting around waiting to come out to their house at the drop of a hat for every little issue, even if it's something like plugging in a single cable... I can't imagine yelling at someone who had the ability to help me. Why is it that no one understands that if you treat them nice then they'll be more willing to help you? And if you treat them like crap then they're just going to do the bare minimum and try to get you off the line as fast as possible. I just don't get it.

Third problem there is the environment. You are in queue the entire day. It is just one call after another from open til close. You're in your little cubical, which is very secluding. But all that is somewhat bearable, the part that really gets me is the leadership. The Internal Help Desk (IHD) and supervisors don't give a flying leap about you. It takes forever to get help from anyone if you don't know something, they give you a quick answer and then leave, which is really annoying because half the time it's not the answer you needed and you had another question for them too but they're gone before you can call them back so you have to wait for someone else to come by to try again. I got really lucky and I have the one supervisor that actually sticks around and is more understanding, but he has a lot to do so he can only do so much by himself. It wouldn't be as bad if I knew what I was doing. The reason I don't know what I'm doing is because the trainer I had was crap. He sucked at teaching, got distracted very easily, wouldn't stop talking about himself, and was a jerk to us as a class. Every time someone didn't understand something and asked a question or for clarification, he somehow turned it into a huge argument. Not only did that waste time, but it also made the class upset and it was more difficult to learn. Plus, when he teaches he'll just lecture and his voice is so boring that even I can't stay awake for more than 10 minutes...

Fourth problem I have is with the attitude of the other agents. Verizon is trying to push for excellence and great customer service, but I'm constantly having customers tell me that I'm the first rep they've had that wasn't a jerk and/or a complete moron (which is saying something because I have no clue what I'm doing)... Agents snap at cxs, transfer them without telling them what's going on, act like they don't care, and talk to them like they're idiots (even though most of them are, you still don't talk to someone like that)... This makes my calls that much harder because not only am I trying to fix their problem and give them a good experience, but I'm having to make up for the huge negative experience the cx has already had. Do I have to do everything myself?!

So, as you can see, there is a lot of stuff that could be improved at Teleperformance in Verizon. I have to drag myself out of bed every morning and go through an internal struggle every day debating on it's worth it or if I'd rather give up my car and not go to school, just so I could get a job that pays less but made me less miserable. If you are tough and don't care about how you're treated or the customers, then the money is pretty good and you could probably work there just fine. But it is definitely NOT the right place for me... So if anyone knows of any full time jobs that pay $10+ an hour then please let me know!!!!!!!!

That'll do pig, that'll do...

I've decided I am going to start calling M'kenna "Babe" because she is the pig in Orem City...

M'kenna and I have never been the tidiest people. Growing up my mom would constantly be on our case about cleaning up. With me it was mostly just stuff on the floor of my room, with Kenna it was everything... When I moved out my habits came with me; I'd take a few days to do my dishes, I'd leave my clothes on the floor and stuff would pile up on my desk. However, as time went on I started getting grossed out by the dishes so I started cleaning them right after I used them, I kept my floor tidier, I clean up messes that I made, and I tried organizing my desk more often.
Kenna had the same problem when she moved in with me, the only problem is that her mess gets in everyone's way (I at least tried to keep mine confined to my room), and she's not learning! 9 months and she still NEVER does her dishes, she never helps out with any chores, her clothes are scattered all over her floor and there's a big pile behind our door that prevents me from opening it more than half way, her stuff is EVERYWHERE in the apartment, she has all these crafts and then never picks up the mess, there's so much crap on her bed that she's too lazy to clean up that she "has" to sleep over at Cory's (because, you know, it's not like we've got 2 couches and a love sac in the living room...), and she's got make up and hair clippings all over the bathroom sink... could she get much nastier? I submit that she could not! When friends come over I am so embarrassed, but I refuse to clean up her mess and I let them know that, but then I'm embarrassed for her! I don't understand how she can live like that, even at my worst I wouldn't be able to stand it! Wait... I know, she doesn't ever actually live here so she doesn't have to deal with her own mess... She's always out partying or over at Cory's...  So, she comes and does her little "piggy thing" in MY HOME and then leaves so she doesn't have to live in it. Not cool! If anyone has any ideas for how to get her to get her crap together, please PLEASE PLEEEEEEEAAAAAASSSSSSSEEEE let me know!

Thou art an unintelligent harlot

You a stupid hoe! You a you a stupid hoe! That's right, this post is about that freakin, little, Mormon whore!

I put up with a lot of crap from my sister, M'kenna, but the biggest thing that bothers me right now is her interactions with the male gender. Since October she has pretty much been with my friend Cory (but not really). They're not official so apparently that has made it ok for her to kiss several boys in the past 1/2 a year, including one of my ex-boyfriends. But, even though they're not official, they still look, act, and feel like a couple, they even claim each other! "You can't have her, she's mine." "She can get over it, cuz you're mine." They make so much sense it hurts... She would always flirt with guys (one in particular named Forrest), but when they started to like her and thought she liked them, she would tell them to back off because she had a boyfriend... then called them jack-asses when they got mad about it. I wonder what could have possibly upset them...
Finally, after like 5 months, they became "official".... which lasted like 2 weeks... WTF?! It's not like anything changed this entire time except their title so I'm not sure what their problem is. Just a few days after Kenna had "broken up" with Cory, I came home to find her on the couch cuddling with (what's his face? oh yeah!) Lucas. They ended up falling asleep on the couch. So that means that her and Cory are over, right? DEAD WRONG! The next 2 nights she was back at Cory's like nothing had ever happened. The day after that she was watching a movie and dear Marshall had his arm around her now. Then she's always out partying and she'll bring home a different guy every week. All the while, she still spends her nights at Cory's, he still takes her everywhere, buys her stuff, feeds her, takes her out for movies, rollerblading, mini-golf, whatever she feels like... He helped get her eviction notice extended so she wouldn't get kicked out, then ended up paying over $200 bucks of her rent for her! He's actually spent well over $2000 on her, and that's just since January! He still has strong feelings for her and thinks that she still has feelings for him, she's just scared of getting too serious. He has no idea what she does when he's not around, and would NOT be ok with it if he found out...
According to him, they broke up because they were afraid they were getting too serious. According to her, he proposed and so she broke things off because he was really clingy and she wasn't ready for marriage yet. I have since talked to him about all of this and we both found out that pretty much everything she says is a lie. He has had MANY conversations with her and they've sorted it out. I seriously doubt it because they're always still together, they still act like a couple, and she still spends her nights over at his place. Well, most nights... last night a new chapter developed... Aydan...

So Aydan is this great guy that M'kenna works with. He's got the mouth of a sailor, he smokes and loves talking about weed and cocaine, he's got a huge tattoo on his arm, he dumped a chick at prom (i think just 4 nights ago), and he has such a great, nasty sense of humor. To put it in M'kenna's words, "isn't he a keeper?!" Oh yeah, totally... Last night was the first time I'd not only met this guy, but ever heard of him, and yet they were so tangled up on the couch that I couldn't tell which limbs belonged to whom! They were all kissy and gross right in front of me and my friends. They were watching The Notebook because it's his favorite movie. In my mind that can only mean one of 2 things: either he's gay, or he's a total tool who wants to look sensitive so he can get in a chick's pants. I could see it going either way. After the movie they migrate to the bedroom and you can hear them making out through the walls. I walked in to put my stuff away, "not realizing they were in there", and he was on top of her doing... I don't even want to know. I left and ended up falling asleep on the couch. But, before I completely lost consciousness, this sweetheart decided to ease my mind by coming out and telling me to not worry, they were only making out. Making out on the first time over, that's elegant... He then proceeded to tell me that he was going to use one of my pillows, ew! I woke up the next morning to him on the phone; I pretended to be asleep so I could hear the full, unedited conversation (yes, I know I'm an evesdropper). First he was yelling at some guy for letting him oversleep, then coughing profusely as he asked someone if he could postpone his court date because he was just so so sick, then yelling at the guy again for not telling him to be at the courthouse by 8:30 when it didn't start til 9 (why on earth would someone want to be a bit early for court? it's not like you're trying to make a good impression or anything...) Once his phone calls were done, he and Kenna started talking about some guy that was hitting her and now, after last night, he could be all like "back off dude, dat ass is mine". That they didn't do anything but he, in the words of M'kenna, "got on that shit." Why she's talking like she's all BA, I have no idea...

So basically, my sister's a Mormon slut, her new boyfriend's a piece-of-crap douche, and I'm back to square one, freaking out about what my little sister is doing and worrying that she's ok and if she's still a virgin and all that jazz that I just love so much... FML

*Boys suck*

Boys just straight up suck! I've noticed there are several types of guys in my life and all of them make me so mad I could spit. So here is a guide to the "Men of M'kaaylie":

1. "the creep"- There are several guys that DO like me, I know they do. The only problem is that they are total creepers. They only hang out with me to get with me; they don't actually want to be my friend. These guys are usually on complete opposites of the spectrum. Either they're extremely peter priesthood boys that don't know how to act around girls so they're ridiculously awkward and don't know how to have any fun. Or they're bad boys who drink and smoke and swear and just want to get in my pants...

2. "the flirt"- These guys will be sweet and funny and flirty with me for a little bit. A part of me thinks they might like me and it might be worth a shot, until I see that they're just like that to everyone. They usually aren't interested in girls or dating or a relationship or just something along those lines with anyone. Boys categorized as flirts are what first introduced me to my most common hang out place these days: the "friend zone".  Not only do they not like me right now, I'm not even a viable dating option anymore. This really sucks with "the flirt" because this type of guy is usually sweet and funny and a lot of the great things that I look for in a guy.

3. "the dude"- To a lot of guys I don't think I'm seen as a girl. I have a lot of masculine tendencies and I like a lot of the same crap that guys do. I don't specifically like them and they don't like me, we're just friends. I'm viewed as "one of the guys", "not dateable", "a dude". I don't really mind "the dudes" who are just my friends, but sometimes I wish I was more than just that. I want to be that pretty, funny, tough, sensitive, pathetic girl that guys like. Every once in a while I want to be the girl that guys go to their "friend zoned" gal friends to talk about, instead of being stuck in that "friend zone" all the time myself helping guys with their chicks. I wish I could even be given a chance as an option.

4. "the possibility"- This category of boy is very similar to "the flirt" except there's a deeper connection. "The possibility" refers to guys that I've known for a bit, we've hung out, we know each other and we click. We'll tease and flirt and joke and we've got each others back. They become one of my very good friends and I've usually started developing at least a small dose of feelings for him. In my mind I can see a glimpse of hope at the idea that there might be even a possibility of us getting together. Only problem is that the favor is, like, never returned. Here we have what is called the "best friend zone" or even worse, the "sister zone". Once you've been sister zoned, you're screwed; trust me, I know... It usually all starts when my "possibility" starts asking for advice about another girl; that's when you know you're toast.

5. "the dream"- Oh boy, the dream... what to make of the dream? As everyone that knows me knows, I get crushes on lots of guys. "the dream" is only referring to major major crushes. The ones that last for more than just a couple weeks or even just a couple months. No, I'm talking about the guys that I've had a hard time thinking straight around since August, June, September 2010, even December 2008. These are the guys I would date in a heartbeat. They're strong in the church, funny, dorky, musical, goofy but mature, and attractive both physically (to me) and emotionally. They have sweet personalities that make me want to melt. They are as happy and confident as I am and are also not afraid to show it or to share it! The only problem is that these "dream boys" are just that... dreams... they don't acknowledge me, they don't hang out with me, most of the time I don't think they notice me; I'm just another member of the band or face in the ward; nothing special.

6. "the gay"- This last category seems kind of unnecessary and self explanatory, like it goes without saying. Well, just my luck, I've run into the situation on a number of occasions where I'll hang out with a guy and the traits resemble very closely to that of "the flirt". There's only one problem: turns out we bat for the same team! My heart is crushed as I find out that my crush and I have crushed on the same person before... nothing weird about that... But seriously, when does that happen?! And on multiple occasions too! It's just ridiculous! But that's just my luck...

So, as you can see, no matter what type of guy a boy is in my life, they suck balls... hard...

Bieber Fever

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I don't care what anyone else says, I love Justin Bieber! He's cute as I'll get out! He's got such an amazing voice that makes me want to melt! He's so sweet! He's only 2 years younger than me! and on top of everything else, I'm allowed to have my own freakin opinion!!!!!!!!

Everyone always gives me crap because I don't follow the crowd. When Hannah Montana came out I liked her too until she turned into a slut. All my friends were constantly dissing me when I would sing her songs or say that I liked her, then when I stopped liking her because she turned into a skank, everyone else started to like her and they thought I was weird for not liking her. Now I like the Biebs and I'm always getting teased for it. I don't see the big deal, everyone has different tastes. I don't tell my friends they're freaks because they listen to their annoying heavy rock, screamo, sexual, devil worshiping or whatever music. Please tell me if I'm missing something; I thought individuality was a good thing, I thought we were suppose to have our own thoughts and opinions, and I thought being different was what so many are striving for. So I'm the bad one because I ACTUALLY achieved it? Why am I lame because my opinions and interests aren't as rough or vulgar as the general consensus? I think that's a good thing.

So to anyone that wants to give me crap because I like a cute young singer with a good voice that sings fun, clean songs with a beat that I like, get over yourselves! Seriously, I'm sure you've got plenty of better stuff to be doing with your time than picking on my for being unique.


I love you Justin <3

Never ever ever ever ever ever EVER!!!!

I am really kind of actually stupid.

NEVER take 15 credits when several of them are performance classes, you're working full time, you don't have a car, you're trying to keep a choir going, you actually plan on getting sleep, and you don't know how to NOT have a social life... it'll end up in failure. But at least I learned one thing... to never ever ever EVER to it again! Hurray for being a part time student next semester! That way I can focus more on saving up for a car, actually passing my classes, improving my ward choir and their experience with me, my dating life (as if), and my new MENTOR position! =D

Maybe, if I'm lucky, I'll get a supervisor position or get married in the near future and then I won't have to worry about school anymore! hahaha! That'll be the day ;)

How to Love

I'm not sure how I'm feeling on the current topic at hand. Everywhere I look I see people pairing off; getting together. Couples are taking over my life. I see engagement pictures and big honkin' rings all over Facebook. All I hear from my friends is cutsie stories about them and their significant others. It's not that this bothers me, I'm way happy for everyone out there that is able to find that special someone for them; I wish them all the happiness in the world and I'm always willing to listen to their stories because I've been there and I know how they feel. But it gets old when you feel like you're the only person you know that doesn't have a "someone". Even my single friends have some "special" friend to flirt with and cuddle and kiss; they'll probably end up being couples soon enough. I miss having that one person that's always there and that can always make me happy. No amount of crushes can make up for liking one guy that likes you back.
But at the same time, not any guy will do. No, he needs to be the perfect guy for me; my best friend, fitting everything on my list, and wanting to be with me too. Thanks to a certain someone, the bar has been set extremely high and I won't settle for anything less. This is one of the reasons why it's very difficult to escape the "single" status. Also, I have no time to spend with anyone to find out if they do make the cut. I'm not close enough with anyone to even consider them as a companion. Right now I'm basically dating my school, my band, and my job... Which is fine with me.
I miss being in a relationship, but I'm not freaking out to be in one again; if it happens it happens, if it doesn't it doesn't. I also enjoy single life and being independent. Mushy-gushy, lovey-dovey couples kind of gross me out anyway. I'm also fed up with people trying to play match maker; I'll find a guy on my own; on my own time, with my own taste, and in my own way because he will be my own boyfriend. I'm only 19! There's no hurry, seriously! It's also kind of fun being about to flirt around and get samples to find what I'm looking for. No one can ever get on my case about "cheating" just because I have a flirty personality.

Who knows... Maybe the reason I'm so disgustingly single is because I'm suppose to be waiting for my "soul mate". Maybe it's even someone I already know. Maybe that's why I'm ok with being so single; I know MY guy is out there and AZ just needs him more right now; he'll be back soon enough. Like I said before, I'm only 19, I'm in no hurry. Maybe I'm subconsciously making myself un-dateable for that very reason. Or maybe HE's not really the one for me and this just isn't my luckiest round of the dating game. Especially since all the guys that I do start to like and hang out with get taken or turn into total douches. Players, losers, idiots, babies, immature old fogies, fickle brats, clueless boys, you name it, I've had the worse possible luck with guys ever since I broke up with Devin. Several of the guys I've liked have even ended up being gay... like I said, really bad luck... And all the guys that like me are creepers and/or ridiculously awkward.

So I'm completely torn between wanting to be in a relationship really bad and being completely revolted by the very thought... it's getting really obnoxious. Hopefully eventually I'll figure out How (and who) to Love <3